Dancing with my fears in the mountains

The anticipation of travelling can make me anxious

But there is skiing to be done

So

feel the fear and do it anyway (*from Susan Jeffers’ book)

And next time, remember it was worth it

Travelling has always been an anxiety trigger for me. As a child, we travelled a lot as a family. But as an adult, even though I love exploring and getting away particularly to the mountains, the anticipation can fuel stress and anxiety. It means I rarely get excited about trips. Often I can’t really identify the reasons or issue.

However, most of the time, I am fine once I get there and once I relax I have a great time. I am always pleased I went. It’s one of the reasons for my overall intention for 2017 – broadening my boundaries – I want to travel.

Which is why I’m writing this blog. I started it on a train heading towards a ski resort. I finished at the end of the trip, sat in a cafe waiting to leave. From the moment I got up to go to the airport I enjoyed it.

In the days before the trip, my anxiety nearly got the upper hand. My bf was already out there and at least one phonecall involved me crying and being frustrated about how I was feeling. I considered not going; I was too tired, it wasn’t worth it, I didn’t want to spoil my bf’s trip by being anxious.

It was worth it.

I was fine.

Once I was on the train, I was enjoying it and finally feeling excited. I was proud of myself, that I’d felt the fear and got on the plane. All the planning, looking at timetables meant I knew exactly where I was going which really helped. Travelling during the day helped as I wasn’t tired and meant I had plenty of time, even to sit in the sun mid journey eating my lunch.

It was all so worth it. I had four lovely days of skiing. Whether skiing in blue skies or a white out, ignoring my aching legs and a cold nose, I loved it. Being in the mountains, sitting in the quiet calm of a chairlift travelling through the trees, swishing through fresh powder or attempting to chase my bf down the mountain. Drinking hot chocolate in mountain restaurants, walking through snowy streets, watching dancing snowflakes on the balcony. My legs finally getting used to skiing again so I feel like I’m dancing down the piste. Sitting in a cafe with a view of the mountains waiting to leave happy, but sad it’s over.

 I need to remember all these feelings the next time anxiety tries to get the better of me. I still always get on and do it but maybe reading this back will help calm the anxious anticipation and let excitement out instead. Maybe it will help someone else who’s anxiety threatens to limit their dreams.

P.S. While writing this, I was listening to the Sparta Chicks radio podcast featuring an interview with Siri Lindley. Her message ‘Dance with your fears’ fitted perfectly. I have danced with my fear and it was beautiful. Thank you Siri and Jen, this will be my new mantra.